I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
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I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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