i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
