So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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