That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
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You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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