yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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