She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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