WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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