p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
