There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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