Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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