I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
