I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize