so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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