dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.