he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.