Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life