uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
