Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What a dumb baby whore.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
