3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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