Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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