so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize