OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
