Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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