One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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