god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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