I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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