I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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