just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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