I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i now understand why vodka
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
