Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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