On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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