Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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