using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
babies were throwing up all over the place
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.