someone owes me an orgasm
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
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Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.