It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.