please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?