Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today