he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize