I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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