my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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