Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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