Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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