I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
