is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
