This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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