i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
