Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize