I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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