don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
