just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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