Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize