May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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