My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize