when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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