kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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