i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
