i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
